Poodles make hopeless watchdogs. They don't bark: they ponce. If a burglar comes through a window, the poodle will investigate, but only to determine if the visitor is their manicurist. Security experts regard this as "insufficient."

When it comes to defending their owner's property, the poodle's major tactic is to look delicate. Security experts also regard this as "insufficient." In the presence of a burglar, poodles are capable of behaving in a huffy, haughty manner, as if to say "I'm doing my meditation, so this interruption is not timely. I'm trying to work through my chakras, so please go away."

Experts often point to this to explain the high crime rate at known poodle residences.