Well, I'm rather pleased I did some research. Wangaratta, it seems, has a plentiful supply of many things, including bananas and Samoans.

I had no idea there were so many Samoans in Wangaratta. And I had no idea how well prepared they were. I met a platoon of them just outside the supermarket. They were well dressed in matching uniforms and they carried themselves with quiet dignity. I'd estimate their mood as generally jovial, but currently displeased.

They were unexpectedly fine orators, too. One of them made a short speech about the advantages of attacking New Zealand.

A short speech it was, but filled to the brim with fire and conviction. It moved me to tears, though that may have been my posture at the time. Apparently, in Samoa, it's considered polite behaviour to be held upside down while listening to speeches.

I learnt much in my time with them.

The main lesson was my discovery of a previously unexamined assumption. In all the years I've been planning a war against Samoa I just somehow assumed that I'd actually win.

Given that I know nothing about warfare, and am frightened of loud banging noises, I've been approaching the entire project with a special emphasis on planning. Often, after a long day's planning, I'll sigh melodramatically and pontificate aloud. My pontifications are usually along the lines of "there's more than one way of winning a war."

New information just in: there's more than one way of losing a war.

Research: it's a fine thing.